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Sometimes when I look around and see what other people my own age are doing, where they are going, where they’ve been, how ambitious they have been… I feel a little left behind. I think we can all feel that way sometimes.
But here’s the thing. I choose how I live. It’s a choice.
I gave up creativity, by and large, for a lot of years. I went to college and studied numbers and economics. That was a good choice. I got to take one class, my senior year, that I waited 3 years for. Drawing. Just a few years before I had been offered a scholarship to an art institute, that I turned down. That was a good choice too. The drawing class brought back wonderful feelings, but I felt out of touch with that side of my life, and felt behind and incompetent through most of that class. Several more years passed. I had a toddler. And he loved to draw in the bathtub. So, at night, I would sit in the dry bathtub, fully clothed and draw for him a surprise for the next day. It was normally a mural with Elmo and his friends. He was so happy to find them. I would draw monsters on napkins, or horses or cows. I soon learned to draw the tiny arms of the Rex over and over with the right number of fingers. He was so proud that his mom drew them. He brought back a side of me that was missing for a long time.
My two sides are constantly at odds. The one that is realistic, full of numbers and constants and the other that is abstract and full of feelings. But I can’t live one without the other. I have learned that about myself over the years. One though… is always trying to rival the other.
But I have finally met someone who understands it. And he’s only six years old. I know he understands it, because he’s mine. He’s built of little pieces of me. He might be the only one on earth that will ever get it. And he’s only six years old. He says the things out loud that I think and don’t say. He expresses emotions much the same as I do. He loves art…. but he loves science just as much.
So, when I get to thinking of all the things I don’t have…. I think about the extra time I have with him. Every. Single. Day. And that makes the wealthiest person alive. And it makes me realize that I have more than a lot of others do. Time with my child and freedom of wild abandon and imagination. I am rich beyond measure.
The above is how I chose to spend my day off. My little one found these awesome giant dinosaurs to color. I of course thought they needed a place to play and live. It is far from done…. and may be an on going project for a while (it of course needs cars and streets, etc… and more dinosaurs.) We of course argued over the colors. I should probably go with whatever he wants…as I won’t be able see half of them anyway!