I am the mom who has done all the mom things.
I am not the mom I expected to be.
Truly.
What I expected of motherhood and what it is…. is such a different picture.
I did not expect to do all the mom things.
I did not expect to stay up until one in the morning cutting out t-rex shaped teeth. Or baking cupcakes. Or sewing Christmas sweaters. I did not expect to bake and cook and paint and play and learn more about the jurrasic period than humanly possible. Or the history of Lamborghini. I did not expect to sit and work on an unsolvable algebra problem after he went to bed in tears just so I could calmly explain to him how it works. I didn’t know I would like to play in dirt and mud and jump and giant puddles after rain storms. I didn’t know I would like to sit on the floor and play for hours just staring at him. I didn’t know I would lock myself in a bathroom and cry over another humans hurt. I didn’t know that I would have to clean puke with sympathy and puncture my kid with needles and sit in doctors. And be calm the entire time. I didn’t know that I would be the calm one in an emergency situation. I didn’t know that I would find a teenager amusing and infuriating simultaneously. I didn’t know I would find conversation with a boy as intriguing as it is. As relatable. As insightful. As painful. As grown up. I didn’t know that I would see the world better. More clearly. More scary. I didn’t expect to be afraid of what is “out there” for another person.
I did not expect any of that.
But I did. I fell into motherhood like a soft blanket. It was meant to be. It was a calling I never heard. And my God, that call has been such a sweet sound. It was a love I did not know possible. It was a hurt I did not know I could live through. But I did. And I do. And will continue to for the rest of my life. Because I’m mom. It’s what I do best. Unexpectedly so.
I did all the things. And I always will. And I don’t do all the things because I feel I have to….. I do them because I want to. Because it’s fun. Because I get a kick out of making t-rex teeth until one in the morning. Or cupcakes. Or sewing Christmas sweaters. Because it’s part of what makes me… me. I don’t do it to make myself look or seem amazing to anyone else. I do it because that’s who I am as a mother and I refuse to apologize for it. Ever. I would figure out how to churn literal crap into gold if I had to for my kid. I would figure out how to make air if I could. If it meant my kids health. I would do it.
Someone asked me the other day…..
“How did you make sure to have that closeness with him. How did you make that happen.”
The truth is. I didn’t. I just was. It is just us. And for that I thank God. Every day.
…………
Every mom is a different kind of mom. Working moms. Stay at home moms. Breastfeeding moms. Formula moms. Co-sleeping moms. Creative moms. Technical moms. PTO moms. Moms who hate the PTO. Foster moms. Adoptive moms. Dad’s who are moms. Grandmas who are moms. Guys…. we’re all moms. And it so freaking hard no matter what kind you are. SO FREAKING HARD. Being a mom is freaking hard. (Did I say that) So moms, do the mom thing the way you know how. If you’re a Pinterest queen, wear the crown. If you’re a working mom, work it. Teach your babies how to rule the world. Be the mom you want to be. Take it easy on the moms who are not like you. Be grateful they aren’t like you, or the world would be really boring. Please don’t tear each other down (It’s easy to do) I will cheer you on in any way I know how. Write your story your way. And help your babies to write their story… their way. Sometimes that’s easier said than done, because what you expect your children to be and what they are, are most often very different things. Just help them write their best story. And remember you will always be their mom.