This is one of things I hadn’t intended to write about. (But maybe it will be cathartic.)
But my job, being the job it is…. this is probably necessary.
I have written the sentence to my beautiful, most favorite people in the world over 20 times in the last few weeks “soooo, I have some bad news, I’m soooooooo sorry….”
I’m pretty sure I feel more bad about this than my people… but, it’s still really hard.
………………………………………….
My mom was in the doctors office looking at a poster. Learning all the things about hips and knees. Chit chatting and talking about all ailments.
She comes to one part of it that says “The terrible triad”
“That sounds horrible” she says “look at that!”
15 minutes later I hear the doctor say, after having been staring at the screen for several minutes. “so… you have what we call the “terrible triad” and it kinda looks like a bomb went off in your knee, I just can’t find the ACL.”
That’s all I heard.
So, that’s where I am at the moment.
A torn ACL, MCL and Meniscus
The terrible triad.
This is my 4th week on crutches. I walk only in straight lines. Laterally I am unable to move.
I am awaiting surgery.
I have to heal a bit before that happens.
I go up and down stairs on my ass.
I have become afraid of things I never ever thought I would be afraid of. And it has kind of unhinged me. I’m not a person who is afraid of anything. Literally. I’m not afraid of things. Today I was afraid of wind. Because a door might close on me and I wouldn’t be able to hold myself against a door without a “knee jerk” reaction. And the buckling of my knee is not only painful, but awful to watch. The shower is something that has caused me so much anxiety and there isn’t a single you-tube video that made me feel better about it. (I have a transfer chair now, thank goodness.)
This all being said.
I will come out of this stronger. If not a little bionic. I already had the iron fist, I might as well have this too.
Thank you to all my beautiful people for being so understanding.
And I will update occasionally. I promise.
Much love.