Stages

They say that the body is incapable of remembering physical pain. The thing that our bodies and mind remember are the emotions attached to that pain. Labor is one of the most excruciating pains a human can live through. Our bodies, as women, transform. But you forget. Mostly. Because the end result….. is a baby. That’s the emotion attached to the pain. And it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. No wonder we don’t truly remember labor pains.

As the mother of a teenager, they also say that I’m in the home stretch. Now is the time that I have to wait and watch and step in when I’m needed. It’s hard at this age to feel not so needed. But I know they do. It’s just a tricky tap dance you do with teenagers. When to talk, when to not talk, when to sing, when to stay quiet. What to talk about. What is too much to talk about? What subjects are off limits. It’s a different world that there are no mommy groups for. We don’t have time for that crap anyway. We’re too busy. So occasionally you steal anyway for a lunch with a friend and commiserate about how much you love your children yet still kinda want to ground them for life just for eye rolling or grunting and inaudible answers.

It’s a stage.

One of so many.

And there are so many more to come.

In my mind I’ve had day dreams of what he would be like at certain stages. When he was tiny I couldn’t wait for him to big enough to walk and hold my hand. I couldn’t wait for him to read. I couldn’t wait for him to start school. I couldn’t wait for him to pick out his own clothes and find his own style. I couldn’t wait for sports and music. I’ve been thinking of what it would be like for him to be taller than me. To someday look up to him. And I could lay my head on his shoulder instead of him mine.

7 inches in 6 months.

It’s my first Mother’s Day that he is taller than me.

My daydreams are reality.

And now… I can wait. I want to wait. Hold time still some days.

Motherhood. It’s an incredible rollercoaster. But it’s the greatest ride of my life. And I’ll take the pain of it because it brings me so much joy in return.